oh yeah baby !

I'm hyper in this hourrrr ???

Oh NOOOO !!!!!

*flipped thru pages in study manual*

heart says , "hmm , no neeed study manual laaaa"

since I'm so hyper , blogging time !

^^V

by the way , wish me best of luck for my 1st PT for AA tomorrow

=D

Winn says

oh ya , forgot to blog here

jp : yea , I decided to give up .

winn : give up ? how ?

jp : not to put hope on that , anymore .

winn : but that's not gave up

jp : well , to me , that's sort of definition of gave up

winn : nah , I bet you wont

jp : why ?

winn : because today you're caught by his eyes again , for about 1 minute ....

jp: hmm .....

winn : without any words , am I right ?

jp : yup ..... and it ended by 2 words " bye babe " .

*yawns*

I STRESS LIKE HELL !

urgh !!!!!

sure I will fail this paper , AA .

hmm ...

*yawns*

study plan phail !

=/

Life

oh ya , I have a very bad nightmare these days

why ?

dunno , maybe I sleep too much ?!

haha

there's a night where i cant fall asleep and I thought of this question

If somehow I got to know I have fatal disease , what will I do ?

I dunno why , but at that moment , I'd chose to leave it .....

I dun think I gonna waste lots of money to cure it ...

I dunno why I was so pessimistic that time .

I know that's not right ,

I chose to think in that way because I know it's not easy to earn money.

my mum always say she's so burdening ...

she wasted so much money yet she still cant be a normal person ...

I always comfort her saying that ,

life's always great for her ,

having an awwesome son and daughter ...

but she's still very mind that she used up lots of money on her illness ...

so when the same thing is going to happen on me , what will I do ?

please allow me to choose to end up everything like this

I dun wan my family to waste so much money on me again

I wan my daddy and mummy can enjoy life ,

i dun wan to become their burden anymore ...

to take care a long term patient is not so easy as you see ...

I've seen how my daddy take care my mummy

and I've seen the power of love in my family

I've seen the courage my mummy have in facing all these ...

I've seen how my dad willing to forgo everything and took one whole year leave to take care my mum ...

I've seen how my brother grown up without any guidance

I've seen how my brother protect me , teaching me to learn independence

when he was only 13 years old , and I was only 8 years old ...

sometimes , my friends will say I think too much , I care too much ...

but if you were grown up in this type of family background , you will know my feelings ...

I was told to protect myself when I was only 8 years old ...

sometimes you may say I am too protective over myself or I don't trust people easily ...

but all these were trained when I was only 8 years old ...

why am I so negative ? why cant I be a bit more optimistic ?

because I've seen the most negative side of my life

I am scare that the same things gonna repeat

and I dun wan them to replay ....

People with different characters came across difference backgrounds , different lifestyles .

If you want to know more about them , please talk to them with your true heart .

They will know .

Obstacles

I've already blog part of the family drama I mentioned last time

note : it's only part of that .

I am tired to type everything out , and it hurts to recall everything back .

I still cant hold my tears whenever I thought about my grandma .

The sem break wasn't a break to me

It was the hardest time for me in year 2011.

simply 3 weeks , happened so many things .

I haven't get enough time to absorb everything .

my friends will be quite curious why I reacted so excited

when I heard about the other death news

but yea , I really cant accept it .

the feelings like ,

why some people can ended their life so easily where some are fighting against all odds just to survive even a minute more .

after all this , I was back to my college life

being able to smile , try to chill with my friends

but another conflict happened btw us .

I have to admit this is also another hit for me ...

why everything happened without a break .

I try to save everything , to sort everything out with my own courage .

yea , I did it ,

not to say very successfully ,

but at least ,

it did not become worse .

and now , stressful-ness of studying is bothering me ...

ICAEW ,

I'm starting to doubt myself whether I can finish this stage smoothly

I doubt my ability .

I do not have the motivation to study at all ,

and PT1 is on this saturday.

I know people learn to be tough whenever they meet obstacles

but I chose to stop right in front of the obstacles .

I'm seriously too tired to continue this life journey .

although smileys in texts ,

smileys in chat windows

can help to avoid answering some questions that I dun wan to answer

but who knows what am I thinking exactly ?

...

THE BITCH !

OKAY !!!!

I need to blog about the real BITCH nowwww !

I'm super pisseddddd !

let's make it clear , the bitch here is my so-called AUNT , from vietnam !

I really dunno how this bitch can survive in this world ?!!!

and I dunno why my uncle is so in loved with her !??!!!!!

what on earth ???!!!!!

my whole family got broke up , argue , fighting , just because of this super bitch !

I really dunno what can I say .

I cant do much , I'm just too young to voice out everything !

please allow me to say this ,

my grandma passed away , 90% because of her !

why she stayed with my grandma , she din even do housework ?!

she din even cook for dinner ? lunch ? at least breakfast ?

and guess wat ?

my uncle's morning breakfast which is a cup of MILO , also made by my grandma ?!

imagine what is this BITCH doing ?!!!!!

okay , fine .

my grandma was hospitalized , lying down on the bed in ICU ,

did she come to take care her ?

or visit her everyday ?!

NO , the answer is NO .

excuses --- to take care of my cousin , her baby .

(fyi , she is only 28 this year , and my uncle is 54 this year . )

okay fine !

and my dad , who is my grandma's son-in-law ,

visit her everyday ,

take care of her everyday in hospital ,

even take care overnight in hospital .

can you see the difference ???????

BITCH

BITCH

BITCH!

how I wish I can slap her !

okay fine .

guess wat , I'm the one who keep asking my uncle to change hospital ,

at least some private hospital like sunway medical ?

guess wat my uncle said ?

he wants to stay in KAJANG !

why ?

because his wife needs herrrr so much !

evidence -

his wife , the bitch called him ,

every half an hour when my uncle was in hospital visit/take care my grandma .

why she called -

because the son cry / because she dunno how to operate the washing machine .....

lots of excuses !

FCUKING ! BITCH BITCH BITCH !!!!

okay fine .

when my grandma was in emergency for the 1st time ,

where she was survived after 7 times of electricity shocks .

I am the one who fetch her(the bitch) to hospital ,

and she almost fell down when she was walking to ICU ?!!!

why so kua zhuang ?????

hey ,

what have you done make feel so scare to face a nearly-passed-away women ,

the weak lady in ICU ?!

I REALLY DUN UNDERSTAND ??!!!!!!!!

hello , that day was sucks ,

I rushed back from college , driving like a crazy mad lady ,

go pick you up also driving like crazy lady ,

nearly accident ,

and I din even show my scary face in front of so many relatives ?!!!!

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING ?!

okay fine .

when everything was in a trouble ,

she requested to let her mum to come over to accompany her , from vietnam ?!

hello ?

why she needs accompaniment ?

because she is scare ?

who buy the flight ticket ? my uncle

okay fine ,

my uncle insist he wanna let her to come over ,

so my dad being kind enough to offer to pick her up from KLIA airport ,

while my uncle can take care and stay with my grandma .

guess wat ?

my uncle insist he want to pick her up .

WHATTT ??!!!!!!

my HK aunt really cannot tahan ,

called up the wife and ask her ,

whether can she ask my uncle dun go and pick her mum up .

guess what ?

she called my uncle and said my aunt scolded her !??!!!!

fucking shit !

I REALLY HAVE NO OTHER WORDS TO DESCRIBE HER EXCEPT THE WORD

B.I.T.C.H.F.U.L - B.I.T.C.H

because of this lady ,

my another aunt , from puchong already argued with my uncle for thousands times .

and she has never come to kajang after my uncle married this lady .

when all this happened (grandma was hospitalized ) ,

my auntcame down to Kajang eeveryday after her work .

and she stayed until 11- 12am only she left .

so guess wat ?

my uncle always avoid to meet her ,

because he know she's gonna screwed him in his face no matter wat .

During my grandma funeral , everything is done by my aunt , my uncle was so indecisive .

my aunt really cannot tahan the vieetnam lady ACT like she's so scaredddd !!!!!!!!

and my uncle was so protective over her , dun let her do any works .

and she always use the baby as an excuse dun wanna participate in any funeral activities !

the most over thing she ever did ,

she use her handphone to call my uncle to go upstairs ,

because the baby cried !

hey ?!!!!

cant you just walked down , bitch ?!!!!!??

okay fine .

every morning (during the funeral) , my uncle was the one who made milo ,

2 cups (one for the bitch , another for the bitch's mama) .

and guess wat ,

somemore need my uncle to take to upstairs for them ?!

eh , what on earth nowwww ?!!!!

BITCH , can you go die now ?!

pleaseeeee ?

if you die , I wont fall a single tear for you , dun worry .

FUCKING BITCHFUL-BITCH .

I EMO SHIT !

Long long night

hmm ...

talked to ms carmenlow just now

I think this is the 1st time I tell her about that .

also the 1st time I ever tell this to my classmate .

haiz ...kind of emo things

but she'd point out some areas where I'd never seen that before .

"nothing comes easy in life . if you think its worth it , you'll stay till the very end , hoping that everything's going to end well . even if it doesn't , at least you'll know you did your best and there wont be any regrets in your life "

"it's too late to stop now , both of you went this far , its not easy to find the right person . now you think you found it , dont give up so easily , even though the road is not going to be smooth . it all depends on how you see though . "

thanks babe.

to me ,

I doubt that we have the so-called future.

but you'd asked me back , why are there a limit ?

but somehow , I just dunno why .

maybe we're not ready ?

we dont trust each other that much ?

ahhh ...questions mark filled in my brain ,

the same questions ,

the same thoughts ,

but there's no answer .

like what I said ,

how I wish I can end everything by now

VS

how I wish he speaks out the words

HAHAHAH

so contradictory right ?

I'm so gonna become crazy now , right now !

save me from this hell shit of problems .

:(

The 20 cents

my life is kinda interesting right ?

why things always happen to me , like everyday ?

it's only 20 cents , why you care so much ?

is our friendship only worth 20 cents ?

am I just worth 20 cents to you ?

screw you , dun make me show my pissed off face right in front you .

stress

OMG , tomorrow is study day

sighs , assurance =(

not that I hate the subject or the lecturer

but just I'm not prepared to this

I wish I have no ending holiday from now onwaards ='(

who knows how I feeling right now?

nope , no one .

I need a shoulder who can lean on for 24/7

but he/she will not ask me a single question .

=)

I STRESSED .

Colbie Caillat

went for another singing session with my beloved friends

although it turned out not many ppl , about 6 =)

but still , it's fun .

hmm ...singing session is the best way to shout out the most

and maybe you can emo at the corner and no one knows

no worries , am not .

kinda of addicted to Colbie Caillat songs now !

sing me her songs please , I promised I'll love you much !

明白

并不了解

了解

但爱莫能助

就像你

永远抵达不了那颗心

桃花依旧在，人面不知何处去

回到了母校

感觉一般般。。。

当站在我身旁的嘉恒说了一句话过后， 那种感觉回来了

那句话啊？

“学校的每个角落，我都着过一件事。。。”

对了， 就是那句。

诶， 想想，自己也是哦！

站在走廊，慢慢的想起了那5年以来发生的事情

又开心的，有不开心的

有压力的，也有疯狂的。。。

那走廊迎面吹来的风， 好熟悉呢！

对呀， 以前的我，就是这样，站在哪儿，望着天空， 等着他的到来。

走着走着，经过那个地方

看见了3束黄色的花束。

不禁，那伤感回来了。。。。

站着哪儿，望着茫然的天空，繁忙的街道

头脑一片空白的

但是我却那么的享受着那个时光

因为我怀念那种感觉

也知道以后也没有那么容易再站着这里被风吹了。。。。

我怀念以前的开心

我怀念以前的疯狂

我怀念那中学时期的故事。。。。。。

I emo

emo

emo

emo

.....

The quote

"A girl with lots of thoughts in her mind , but she speaks the least among us"

a sentence who popped out from my long-lost friend ,

yet this really hit me with a big surprise

do you think this sentence suits me ?

haha , well , by the time she speaks out this sentence ,

I really have lots of thoughts in my mind,

and I din even speak a word out .

forgive me being quiet

and

please allow me to work out in my brain

LOL

I need somebody who can always know what am I thinking

who will think ahead of me

and help me to solve every single problem I'm having right now .

Will you ?

Insecurity

The night that I felt the most terribly insecure

although with him beside me

but dun ask me what I scared of ...

luckily he is still the first one to talk with me and calm me down

he knew what I was thinking about , and he knew what I worried of

when he is planning to go , his job/status pulled him back

he had to do something before he can bring me off

well although he is beside me ,

but it's still insufficient to calm me down totally

maybe because I dun know him well enough , I dun trust him as I thought I was

I'm starting to doubt myself .....

I know this is not gonna end until he speaks out the words.

I cannot fix it by my own

things really came without any notifications before hand

an invitation to a preview and it lead to an unexpected result between us .

I doubt I can fix this on my own, I swear .

You are so important to me in my life when I 1st met you , until now

but now I can feel that you've changed ,

and do you think that I'm the one who ruined the whole thing ?

that night , you're still the good , the caring ...

but the next day , you weren't

and ....

question marks started to fill up my whole bloody brain wherever I'm free

are you pissed with me ?

are you pissed with me because I told my bro about that ?

are you pissed with my bro ?

thousands and million of questions popped in my mind every minute , every second

I miss you ,

but I felt awkward when I meet you

I can see the awkward when our eyes see each other ....

I wish I've never been to that event ,

or I can have a stronger mentality .

You knew the condition , yet you're not gonna fix it .

ICAEW

Classes resumed ,

we're now the ICAEW July 2011 intake ,

no more CFAB Jan 2010 .

TXP and AA ,

well we found out TXP is not designed for us ... it's for BDO batch 4 .

so yea , we have new classmates , total 9 of them (previously from CAT)

hmm ...just get to know few of them via FB , hope things go well in the future .

well , let's talk about ICAEW - AA

hmm , mr ong , our awesome lecturer from AS is teaching us in this subject again , and we kind of adapt to his teaching style dy , still not bad .

but I feel super stress as now ICAEW stage , no longer the e-exam like CFAB

and this is really really SUPER SUPER STRESS

STRESS , STRESS , STRESS ....

sighs

wonder who can save me now and in the future =(

hope I can go through this stage smoothly .

GOD BLESS ME .

黑白配

黑白配

Fan fan & Blackie ( 黑人)

太阳晒得我 眼睛睁不开

你的好脾气 让我心情坏不起来

下雨下得我 眼神发呆

你的道歉 听着听着 我都快笑出来

谁说 不能 黑白配

世界上没有什么事 能够如此的绝对

曾经有人这样唱过 白天它不懂夜的黑

你却懂得我的美

有时候我会 感觉非常累

有时候也会 不自觉把你拖累

你有时会说 我们很不配

只要你依偎 真的真的 我什么都无所谓

谁说 不能 黑白配

世界上没有什么事 能够如此的绝对

曾经有人这样唱过 白天它不懂夜的黑

你却懂得我的美

钢琴也是黑白键 一样能弹出我对你

只有满满的感谢

也许黑永远不明白

在这个彩色的世界

有你我才会存在

how I wish he speaks out the words

@huey yuin

hahahahahaha :)

The random outing

*phone vibrated*

oh , is a msg from KA "wanna go singk tomorrow?"

oh , okay ...there an invitation to a random day !

how random was it ?

text at 11.45 pm at the night before

then , adding hours during the singing section till we sort of kena halau ?

well , then , randomly decided to make a steamboat dinner ?

and randomly pick some food form Tesco !

AhhhaHAhahaha !

and lots of stupid things happened , the whole day long

of course , not to forget TCD style of sing BLOWWWWW by kesha >.

and then ....the smiling advertisement by TCY !

=)

my holiday was brighten up by all of you !

AWESOME !

thank you .

without this , my holiday was a grey one .

Sometimes when we touch by Olivia Ong

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
Id rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
Im only just beginning
To see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
Im just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times Id like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times Id like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
And Ive watched love pass you by
At times I think were drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold ya till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides
Subsides

This is life

wondering why everyone there is a period where bad things happened to me

and that was my super emo period ='(

Found out that actually I wasn't as tough as last time

I hate myself being so weak at all times

being so weak isn't a bad thing if there are someone beside you

but there's no one beside me

='(

sighs , this is life .

July July

July sneaked in and same goes to my ICAEW July time table is already out...

meaning ? meaning college life gonna start soon

as in few days more ='(

not to say that I'm so lazy to start schooling ...

yet ,telling that I'm not lazy is a lie ,

but saying I am eagerly wanna start this new sem is still another lie

heheeee

but this holiday was the sad-est holiday I ever had .

wish someone could be here to cheer me up , as much as possible .

may you ?

July July , so fast you came by

and believe me you will invite august in soon ....

I miss my college friends

I miss all my lovely high school friends

some of them are leaving to overseas soon ,

meaning I'm not gonna meet them at least in 2 years time ?

=(

sad sad sad sad ....

today saw a status from wei chien soh ,

saying he is now on flight to US

hate him ! stole my chance to saying a goodbye to him

='(

hmm ....mmm.....mmmm.......

he is back on twitland

:)