昨夜

昨晚是很难度过的一晚。。。

我从来都没试过那种感觉。。。

酸酸的，疼疼的，刺刺的，

但是却没有少少的苦。。。

想了好久。。。

头脑的思绪很乱。。。

很久都没有认真地想过。。。

很烦，很累。。。

顿时，泪水流了。。。

流眼泪的那一刻，是痛的。。

眼泪流了不久，

痛的感觉没有的。。。

但是心脏却不停的在抖。。。

抖得频率，更是不正常的！

泪水还是不停的流，

脑子想了好多好多。。。

那些故事，真的是如你所说的，原来我一直都没有发现到。。。

故事的情节原来可以那么的恐怖，自己发觉时，已经太迟了

真的太迟了。。

现在才知道真正的阴谋，现在才了解，原来我是那么的笨。。。

太笨了。。。自己正伤害着自己都不知觉。。。

迟钝吗？

我能够原谅我自己吗？

哈。。。太可笑了。。。

你设的圈套实在太完美了。。。完美的我无法不参与一份。。。

原来，还没有成熟的是我，天真的也是我。。。

低估了所有的事情。。。

在整理着这一切一切零碎地片段时，

眼泪还是流着的但是心疼得感觉没有了。。。

或许。。。麻木了。。。

我知道自己应该要怎么做

不会在逃避，不会在怪自己

因为我明白，错不在自己身上

一切都是天的安排。。。

安排他出现在我生命里，也安排你们在我身边支持我 <3

朋友，

你说的每一句话，我都会记得。。。

在和你谈天的过程中。。我学到了。。。我不应该那么的"好人"。。。

哈哈~

放心吧，希望今晚我能够入睡。

原来已经过了半年，原地踏步，太累了。。。

不停的麻木自己，其实不是最好的办法。。。

所以，不需要再面对你，是我的幸运。。。

而。。。

认识了你，是我最大的幸福^^

冥冥中注定，你是我生命中的路人甲

但是你却没发现到，启于你，也毕于你。

谢谢你。

I know you hxxe me so much XD

isn't a good thing to hold things for a long time

and i'd already let it down ...

but why am I still longing here ?

**because somebody always trying not to let me go ~**

somehow , we cant manage to stop what others thinking right ?

uh ~ i'll just ignore it...

and continue my life ,

enjoy my life ,

without knowing you still HATE me ....

Holidays

hmm ...a week of my holidays had passed ....

what have I done ?

= attended St John AGM

= attended 5C gathering

nothing else ~

hmm ...thought of a lots of things recently ...

something good , but something bad too , uh ~

st john's agm'd recalled memories of mine

my life in st john , my best friends ....

awww ..i miss them so much !

5C gathering wasn't a grand one , just a mini party

everyone enjoy chatting with each other

updating everyone .

special thanks to ZQ and TH to attend

saw their tired face , sorry guys =(

the coming holidays , i'll be going genting , but it's on weekend .

so ya , waiting for the trip !

bored bored holidays ....

but i think it's the right time for me to relax my mind

and decide whether i'm taking the correct route

=)

Never

It would be a nice day for me if i can ignore that ...

but somehow it just cant go away form my brain =(

*stop stop*

*don't think about that *

but

undeniable

you'd make my life sucks !

because of that

I have to face the consequences !

..........

the heart-ache i'm having now you couldn't know

because you are the one that make it worse

Shattered

...................

tonight will be a very long night to me

but definitely is a good night for you

='(

GREEN !!!

wee^^V

new background !

no more BLACK or BLUE !

it's GREEN !!!!! G-R-E-E-N !!!

*winks*

haha !!!!

green is good for eyesight ?

isn't it?

thanks for visiting my bloggie ^^

happy holiday to all my friends ~

take care ya ^^

happiness , sadness and loneliness ...

Do you think I'm a quiet person ?

or

maybe can say as , I don't like to talk ?

I don't know why I just like to be alone sometimes ....

especially when I'm emo-ing

because I can be my true self ...is not faking my characters

sometimes , the silent make me feels better , but sometimes it doesn't

It makes me feel worse ...so what can i do ?

it happens too , that I talked a lot ...

that's when I'm hyper ....yeah , youknowme

I miss the last time I was crazy , laughing my head off with my friends ...

I wonder when is it ...it seems to be N years ago ?

I miss my friends , I miss them a lot a lot ...

College friends do make me laugh , especially the jokers in my class

they're just fantastic ...AWESOME !

I don't know why my happiness went missing ...

just because I'm not taking good care of it ?

where are u ? can I hug u ? can u come back to me ?

I think numbers had chase them away from my life ...

and I know ...I couldn't find them back ?

so ...I have to create the new one ?

but I don't know how's the way to create happiness ~

happiness doesn't friend with sadness or loneliness ...

so now i'm having sadness or loneliness , so happiness won't come back to me ...

uh ~but I love both of them so much ....

how how how ?

when the sadness and loneliness gone , happiness will come back

is just the timing problems .

=)

High expectations

high expectations mean to disappoint us ?

hmm .....

but it can also motivate us to move on ....

so ?

there're always to have 2-ways perspectives in a every issue

just to see that how we can balance and make it through .

but to me , somehow in this case ,

high expectations make me feel worse over my results ....

it makes me sad , and stress when I couldn't reach that level which I aim for it ...

so does it mean that I should lower down my expectations or so-called aim ?

I don't see that in this way ...but it's another way round

so ? means?

It means , I can lower down the expectations , but this is not that I'm scared of failure

It's just another way to motivate me , and make my expectations more realistic...

once I have achieved , then I can start to aim high and score high !

somehow , I hope it works to me .... =)

Condolences

this post is for you , my dearest friend .

hmm ....you are not around here now ...

and you're on your way to home town right now.

this is not the 1st time I write post to you ...

but this is rarely short post from me to you .

is just a note that :-

I'm always here for you .

I can understand your feeling ,

be tough , take care of your mum .

You text-ed me , my shoulders is always with you .

R.I.P to your aunt .

updates ~

hmm ...late night again ^^

updates updates !

saturday was my accounting finals ...it's okay for me .

then ....

sunday morning went jogging with qian , ka and sze ern .

quite fun with them ^^

then ..monday ...results is out ...

and i'm not satisfied with it ....

but still i have to accept it right ?

fine ! it's over ! i have no other choice to not accept it ....=S

let it be ! mm .....

my 1st week of holiday is started .....

i ain't bore ...

although i've been staying home for these 2 days

but i think i like staying at home , to have enough rest =)

rest make me feel calm =)

Accounting final

argh ~ exam is coming tomorrow !

wee ~~~~ shall I be happy or not ? O.o

anyway , accounting final's on tomorrow !

wish me luck people !!!!!!

good luck to all the CFAB-ians !!!!

good night everyone !

somehow

somehow , I wish we are not friends

somehow , I wish we don't know each other

somehow , I wish I don't know you

somehow , I wish I won't fall in love with you

but ....

somehow , it happened =(

somehow , it will end !!!!

原來要放下一個人是不簡單的

有一种暗恋叫坚持，

它带给两个人无法摆脱的辛苦；

有一种暗恋叫放手，

它虽然伤透了一者，

却带给另一个人无比的幸福……

原來要放下一個人是不簡單的

事情發生了已經超過一年了。。。

還以為能夠放下

但是原來是不可以的

只要你的一句話，就能夠影響我那麼大， 證明了你的存在對我的影響。。。

啊～～～～

慘了。。。怎麼辦？

為了你，值得嗎？

哎喲！

覺得自己好傻， 但是沒辦法。。。

有時真的很想念那時候。。。

和你在一起的每一分，每一秒。。。

你替我解決問題的時候，

我們一起溫習功課的時候。。。。

如今就是我的回憶。。。

唉。。。。算了， 至少是美好的回憶 =)

謝謝你。

你最近怎麼了。。。

我們有時候還會通短訊，

只有你關心的話語，

但是就是沒有你的近況。。

算了吧～

以你的性格，

你是不會說的，不強逼。。。

好好照顧自己吧！

別为了一个你喜欢的人，而改变自己，让她/他对你倾心……

虽 然，你得到了一个爱人，但是你却失去了你自己……

人生不是投资，别把专属你的本性投资在情场上，

因为你并不晓得，你就站在离破产不远的地方……

Random

Hi everyone !

hmm ...

1st of all , apologize that i've changed my blog address without informing all of you , sorry .

check the time ~ owh , is only 2.30 am , so early huh ...

well , guess what am I doing now ? BLOGGING !!!!!

haha !

shouldn't it be studying ?

sorry la ...I'm not that type of hardworking students \>.<'''/

so ..what should i post here tonight ????

erm ........

okay , let's talk about my unhealthy lifestyle :-

# sleep late at night

# wake up late in the morning

# don't eat breakfast

# seldom exercise

# eat a lot of junk food

# don't eat proper meal

# bath late

# etc etc .....

(extracted form zhi qian ) LOL

i'll try to exercise at least twice a week ,

eat in proper time ,

and wake up early in the morning

but

i'll still stay up late at night , hehe ^^

hmm ....next , talk about my CFABs:-

My final for accounting paper is on this saturday ....

is computer based - MCQ question

and because of the Mock and PT2 sucks results , everyone is burring their brain into the accounting text .

me as well ....ahhh lahh~~~~~~

feel so lazy to study ...no mood dy la ...aiyor ...

and one of our classmate , Muzakkir is going to leave us T.T

our class will lose 1 joker ~~~~ LOL !

CJ , is so confusing now , because of some reasons ...

hope he can go through it ... =)

oh ya .....

BM result is out , Mr Tan said there are 3 people in our batch failed ...

oooooowh ~~~~~~ i don't want my name's on the list ...

god bless ~~~~

I think that's all for the updates on CFABs ^^

***these days are really stressful during the class =(***

moving on ....to my holiday plan :-

after my final , i'll be having a 3 weeks holiday !!!!

wee ~~~~~

so so so ......ask me out !!!!

-1st , i'll attending a majlis anugerah thingy

-then , my 5C gathering ..... (reply me !!!!)

-and the most exciting trip --- class trip to Genting !!! LOL !

-

-

-

-

i wish to have more ...so , please ...don't dump me at home ....I'll be bored to death ~

random post shouldn't be so long ...haha ! bye everyone !

midnight

argh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

is 12.30 am now !

for the very 1st time , I'm going to bed at this so-called early midnight !!!!

^^V wee ~~~~

cause i can't stand with my freakin-flu virus !

=.=''' hate flu la ~~~~

shooo ~~~~ go away !!!!!!!!

okay~~~~~

First , wish all my A-levels friends in Taylors good luck in your exams !!!!!

@ Hyuin ,

@Wherng ,

@Wkee ,

@Kann ,

@Lxin

then , wish all my classmates are not tooooo-stress over the exams !

next , wish the seniors can pass their exams with flying colours !

moving on , wish CJ can stay with us !

lastly , wish I'm happy as last time =)

good night everyone ^^

I love the silent night so much <3

Disappointment

hmm ...last week .....terrible week la ...

why ? exams !!!!!

haiz ~

1stly , BM (business maths) final exam ....

but guess what ?

haha ! I screwed it !

the examination hall is feakin cold ,

the test paper format is slightly different from what we did last time ,

the questions is damn hard and time-consuming !!!

and the worst part is ...

we're given the marking scheme straight after the paper were collected =(

haiz ....fine ....my answer and the marking scheme are not tally at all ...so so so ? sad .....

emo for the whole day ..

and I think I'm going to fail this paper !!!!!

for my very 1st time ...the 1st paper i failed (maybe) is BM ..oh my ~

god bless me ...I'm not going to retake this paper anymore !!!!!!

Mr tan , please pass me ......

then then then ....because of the sad case happen on that day ...

so I should study for my accounting mock exam and english final for the next day !!!!

okay ....I'm going to skip english 1st ..cause accounting is more important ...

study study study ...

but .....

i only score 70+ in mock ! but everyone could score so high !!!! even 97.5 !

oh my gosh !!!!!!!

I think there's something wrong with me ....

I'm so upset about that !!!!!

then proceed to the next paper ...english 2 final ...

stupid me ! I did lots of careless mistake !!!!!

I couldn't forgive myself ....

and i screwed up the essay !!!!!!!

MY ENGLISH SUCKS !!!!!!!!

i don't know what other words can be used to describe that ....

IDIOT me !!!!!!!!

Don't feel like studying again....cause I've lost all my confidence ....

disappointed =(

### fingers crossed , i can pass my exams .....###

The rules I should know

stop complaining yourself as you are already the best .
stop saying something that's not fact
and assumed people will just react to you just to comfort you .




if you have your aim , go for it !
but don't try to inform the whole world that how pro you are ....
is not good if it actually hurts the other .
think twice whether what should be told and what shouldn't .




don't show up your too-depressing-look as you are not the only one ...
because your super-depressing look will just make the others feel worse...




we should aim high , work hard ,
but not too humble or too ego ......
there's always a limit , try to figure where the limits are
and where shall we place our limits .

random post to remind myself not to be like above .......because i hate these characteristic
and i don't want myself to be like that !

random-emo-post

thought of 1 question yesterday :-

" if I am in a trouble , and I need to call for help , who should I call , assumed that I cant contact my family members ..... "


i couldn't find an answer ...
who shall i call ? er .....you ? he ? she ? or ?


someone will surely help , but they couldn't help , why ?
too far away from me , no transport , not around ....
but will some others that are near to me , got transport , always available ...
but .......mostly they will have some others reasons that excuse them ..


so so so so ?
who can i look for ????


suddenly i feel that i'm such a fool that i don't have any promising friend ...
maybe i have , but they are always not around me ....


recalled and analyzed everyone around me ...
i'll still prefer them , yea , youknowwho
because they are the one that always get together with me
and we had go through hard times together last time ...
i miss them so much ...


whenever i have problems , they will surely be the 1st to support and help me
but now , everyone is going to study everywhere ...
we seldom meet each other ....
i miss them , a lot ......the St Johns ....




people ~ can you hear me ? i miss you all .




whenever something happen or an event , i will probably be the one people less worried ...
why ?
because i can settle myself , transportation problem , or whatever ....


but somehow .......i don't like this assumption....
too independent ? haha ! you are wrong !
tough enough to face everything myself ? haha ! you're wrong again !


I'm not ...I'm sure that I not that type of person
but if you assumed that ...continue with your assumption ....
I will just try my best to act tough ? maybe this is what everyone should do ....



being born in Jan wasn't a good thing .....because you will just to be assumed as you know everything .....




i'm glad that i have my lovely brother ....
my family background makes me to be a tough one , and also the independent one
this is what my brother taught me when I was only standard 3 ...



somehow you will ask me , why I'm so obey to my brother ...
the reason behind is , he is the one I trust the most and I can rely on the most ...




the feeling being left behind ain't good ....

if you are facing a problem , but your friend just walked away and assumed that you can solve yourself .....

if you're having a hard time , but your friend just throwing some words to you and assumed that you can get better later ....

if you're having some negative thoughts ,but your friend just saying that "it is okay" or "not a big deal" , do you think it helps ?

if you're in such a condition , you rather you're alone or with a gang of friend , bull-shit-ing every moment ...which will you choose ?


i don't know how to choose and which to choose ......
life is full of choosing ?
haha ! so i should choose to end this post now ......

Stress ?

hmm ....i've let this blog grow grasses for a long long time ...
sorry bloggie =(

am I so busy till i don't have time to blog ?
O.O , i don't think so , just that i don't feel like blogging ....
sometimes emo ,
sometimes moody ,
mood swings every second....every moment ...


is time to prepare for my exams , Exams , exams , exams ~~~~~~
but i haven't switch on my exam mood , or study mood ...
just lazying every moment >.<''''
Procastinating every work that should be done =(
tomorrow going to be my English 2 presentation .
am I prepared? haha ! maybe yes , maybe not ...
just do it spontaneously ? dunno ~~~~~


BM final is on thursday ...
and today i got my BM mock exam marks ...
don't satisfied with my marks !
everyone can score ! but i did lots of mistake !!!!!!
don't know what happen to me !!!! haiz .....
don't have mood to study anymore .......


Accounting is killing everyone in the class ...
and i shall start it tonight ..but most probably i will just find an excuse and ......Zzzzz


why do I feel stress recently ?
actually i don't feel like studying , but why i can feel the stress is surrounding me !!!!!
urrrgh !!!!!!! i'm going to be crazy !!!!!
duh ~~~~~~